From Eustress to Distress: When Society Forces Us to Stress Over Nothing (Necessary)

The world’s richest companies are those that sell us the least essential things. Think of the latest smartphone model , the newest fashion item , or the umpteenth streaming service that nobody really needs. We live in a world of self-imposed pressure and false needs that at times seems almost cultural and is growing with each passing generation.

Self-Demand That Hijacks Your Stress

This hyperactive culture triggers our sympathetic nervous system (SNS) to react to a hypothetical threat that isn’t actually there. Thankfully, our brain retains its most essential part for reacting to adversity when it occurs, almost unconsciously. But in the meantime, we accumulate unnecessary stress driven by the overwhelming need to be and have more than our neighbor.

As a psychologist, I see it every day: self-imposed pressure has become a yoke. Let’s try to analyze how eustress (good stress) becomes distress (bad stress), and what we can do to regain control of our minds, understanding the context in which we live. Because yes, everyone’s context directly influences what they need or don’t need. We’re sold the idea that we have to leave a supposed comfort zone when we spend our lives seeking our own comfort; the thing is, what’s comfort for one person isn’t for another. It all depends on the perceived need and the personal context.

Biological Wear and Tear: The Constant Alarm of the NHS

Stress , in its origin, is an alert system for survival. In the face of real danger (eustress), the sympathetic nervous system activates: it releases cortisol and adrenaline , accelerates the heart rate , and prepares us for action. It is efficient and has a rest and digestion phase (activation of the parasympathetic system). This is normal; experiencing stress or a certain amount of anxiety is normal and even beneficial. The problem arises when this system becomes chronic or is activated unnecessarily due to societal pressures. For example, if you are stressed because you have a housing problem of an economic nature, it is understandable to be in a state of unease, sometimes generated by the socioeconomic system itself. What is not understandable is if you are stressed because you didn’t walk the 10,000 steps your activity tracker tells you to today. Which you probably want to replace.

The current problem is that Chronic Distress keeps that alarm blaring nonstop. Our bodies continue to release stress hormones as if the lion were always chasing us, but the real threat is the perception of inadequacy. The Impact on the Sympathetic Nervous System: When the sympathetic nervous system is constantly overactivated, the body becomes exhausted. High and chronic cortisol levels are linked to cardiovascular problems , immune system suppression , and sleep problems . Social pressure makes you physically ill. The American Psychological Association (APA) (2013) itself has been pointing out for years that this constant self-demand and pressure to achieve unrealistic goals destroy the body, mind, and life . The problem also arises when these assertions are instilled in the culture, thereby increasing the consumption of anxiolytics and antidepressants; which, unfortunately, is also prevalent in the mental health field that is now so fashionable. Yes, it is another imposed need that becomes an addiction. The proper thing would be to regulate it in a different way and not lightly label people who come to a consultation already as patients instead of people with problems that they must face.

For example, if you have an unexpected day off, instead of enjoying it, you feel anxiety and constant muscle tension (symptoms of sympathetic activation). You start making a mental list of all the things you should be doing (cleaning, getting ahead in a course, looking for a second job). The alarm isn’t triggered by a real emergency, but by the internal judgment that “resting is failing.”

The Cult of Perfection and the Trap of Comparison

Society has shifted from external discipline to self-exploitation . Today, the key to distress is the tyranny of possibility : if we can do more or better, we feel we must . There’s even a term for that feeling of missing out; I think it’s called FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

The Comparative Bias of Social Networks

The need to be and have more than others is brutally amplified by social media . These platforms foster an upward bias towards comparison ; we only see a filtered, perfect, and successful version of other people’s lives. The impact of comparison creates a disconnect between our imperfect reality and the digital “reality.” The mind interprets this as a gap to close, forcing us to stress over goals that aren’t our own, but rather the product of constant scrolling .

This pressure is linked to influence strategies that seek to reinforce self-blame . If the system fails, the blame never falls on the system; you feel inadequate or insufficient. Society pushes us to be the executioners of our own effectiveness. Lukianoff and Haidt, in * The Transformation of the Modern Mind* (2018) , argue that by overprotecting and isolating young people from minor failures, new generations become psychologically more fragile.

A clear example is that after spending half an hour looking at posts about a colleague who has launched a new project and taken an exotic trip, you feel deeply dissatisfied with your own progress. You minimize the achievement and amplify the failure because your standard isn’t based on reality, but on an unattainable perfection, often inspired by inauthentic models. To a certain extent, having a reference or new information can motivate us to consider new challenges or travel ideas, but generally, the application itself will lead you to continue viewing that type of content. The goal is to create that need, and it does so through tools that generate dependency, such as social media applications. The reason is simply that when a person is under that influence and dependency, they lower their critical guard and their thinking becomes clouded when making decisions. It’s easier to manipulate people to get something or direct their thoughts. This also explains the growing dichotomous thinking in today’s society. Critical thinking should be the foundation of education and the first line of defense.

Cognitive Biases and the False Feeling of Guilt

Social pressure not only stresses us out, but also distorts the way we think, creating cognitive biases that justify guilt when expectations are not met.

The Error of “Absolute Must” (Dichotomous Thinking)

Self-criticism fosters an “all or nothing” mindset . Anything short of socially idealized perfection is automatically categorized as a failure. This fuels a vicious cycle of self-criticism and burnout.

The Fallacy of Guilt (False Sentiment)

The guilt we experience when we don’t rest or when we fail to meet an unattainable goal isn’t helpful remorse (which corrects a real mistake), but rather a false feeling generated by internalizing external standards. This self-imposed pressure leads to a false sense of guilt because the brain interprets it as a breach of a moral imperative . In this context, the imperative is “always be productive” or “be perfect.” It’s not that you’ve harmed anyone; it’s that you’ve failed the tyranny of performance, which will always depend on the individual’s context. That’s why it’s so important to consult a mental health professional if you don’t understand what’s happening to you, so they can guide you within your own specific context.

For example, if you leave a work task until tomorrow because you’re very tired, and you try to sleep, an intrusive thought attacks you: ” You’re irresponsible, you should have finished it. You’re not good at this. ” If we’re talking about biases, what happens here is that your mind magnifies the importance of that task (catastrophizing) and applies the judgment of “irresponsible” (labeling) to you, even though the rest is necessary and deserved.

Context is Everything: Social Class and Perception of Stress

It is crucial to understand that the perception and impact of this self-imposed pressure are heavily influenced by socioeconomic and personal context. For the middle or upper class , stress often centers on excellence, excessive professional success, and the accumulation of luxurious leisure experiences . The stress stems from not reaching their full potential or not having the perfect body, trip, or home .

For a working-class person or someone with fewer resources , stress is doubly insidious. To the real pressure of economic survival and the lack of resources (mortgage, bills, multiple jobs), is added the cultural pressure to “be more” in order to “escape poverty” or “avoid being judged.” This false sense of need becomes an unattainable goal that only adds to the guilt.

But the context encompasses not only economic components, but also each person’s own personal history; their social environment and also their genetic predisposition to tolerate certain situations or perceive them as more or less threatening.

A person working two jobs to cover essential expenses suffers much more severe distress. If they also use social media, they see that “others” with fewer working hours “manage to be fit , travel, and get an education,” which often leads to the irrational thought: ” If they can do it with less effort, my problem is that I’m not smart/productive/capable enough. ” Here, self-imposed pressure combines with structural inequality, amplifying the damage.

What you understand by comfort zone isn’t the same as what your neighbor understands. For one person, comfort might be climbing mountains—look at Kylian Jornet—while for another, comfort might be spending time with their family. And they’re both probably just as good people. One isn’t necessarily better than the other, just different.

Resistance Strategies: Deactivate the Alarm and Be Flexible

If the pressure comes from outside and the toxicity from within, the solution must be to redefine success and learn to let go of what is unnecessary .

Resilience without Enduring (Activating the Parasympathetic Nervous System)

The key isn’t “being strong” and enduring more, but being flexible . True resilience is the ability to overcome adversity without pretending to be invulnerable. Resilient people don’t hide their pain, they know how to ask for help , and they accept that crises are part of the process. It’s an act of humility that allows the parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for calmness, to activate. It’s also important to emphasize that it’s not better to have problems, but rather to be prepared for when they arise. Prevention is about not having them in the first place, because nobody really likes having them, even though they inevitably end up happening one way or another.

Reclaiming Time Without Purpose

To break free from rigidity, we need autonomy . Lessons from Childhood: Undirected play ( free, without rules or pressure to achieve a specific outcome) is vital for children’s autonomy and competence. As adults, we must do things simply for the pleasure of doing them , without labeling them as productive or fitness-related. This increases our own self-motivation, the intrinsic motivation that makes us more autonomous and self-reliant in achieving our goals.

For example, you can schedule a “dead time” slot in your calendar. Call that time “Absolute Free Time” and use it to look out the window, doodle, or listen to music without doing anything else. However, as I said, what might work for you might not work for someone else. Again, the context will determine what works best or worst. This type of exercise promotes eustress in a calm way: a purposeless activity, necessary to recharge your parasympathetic nervous system.

Allow yourself to be imperfect

The greatest act of rebellion in the modern mind is allowing yourself to be imperfect and making room for unproductivity . Your worth isn’t dictated by the hours you work, your bank account, or the approval you receive. Your value is already there. Reclaiming control of your stress is an act of self-compassion and authenticity . Let’s stop stressing about what society demands and focus on what truly helps us grow and live in peace, always keeping in mind the real context that surrounds us.

If you feel trapped in this cycle of self-criticism, remember that seeking professional help is the first and bravest step towards flexibility.

References

• American Psychological Association (APA). (2013). Understanding chronic stress . https://www.quora.com/In-Spanish-what-is-the-difference-between-uso-usar-usas-etc-I-can-t-see-any-logic-and-googling-just-shows-me-how-to-use-Spanish
• Lukianoff, G., & Haidt, J. (2018). The Transformation of the Modern Mind . Deusto.
• – demand and its relationship with stress. Financial Scope . https://www.quora.com/In-Spanish-what-is-the-difference-between-uso-usar-usas-etc-I-can-t-see-any-logic-and-googling-just-shows-me-how-to-use-Spanish
• PsicoPico. (n.d.). 10 Media Manipulation Techniques, According to Sylvain Timsit . Retrieved from https://psicopico.com/10-tecnicas-de-manipulacion-mediatica-segun-sylvain-timsit/
• PsicoPico. (n.d.). Resilience: Learning from the past to improve our future . Retrieved from https://psicopico.com/resiliencia-aprender-del-pasado-para-mejorar-nuestro-futuro/
• PsicoPico. (n.d.). The value of undirected play in childhood . Retrieved from https://psicopico.com/el-valor-del-juego-no-dirigido-en-la-infancia/