The jealousies between brothers are very common in practically all the families after the birth of a new member of the familiar core. No only they produce after the birth but, in occasions, already during the pregnancy. It is here when they begin to produce the first behaviours that unchain an affective state of fear in front of the possibility to lose or see reduced the attention or the affection of the be wanted, in this case the parents.
This answer of the greater brother arises of adaptative and transitory way by what only would be really problematic in those cases in which it does not disappear or sees reduced in the time, is here when it is convenient the help of a professional. In this article apenderás to recognise some of the causes of childish jealousies, the behaviours that cause and some strategies of prevention to avoid that it appear this jealous behaviour in the measure of the possible.
In the childish jealousies the person feels the loss of attention and the consistent fear through thoughts distorted that in a lot of occasions is because of the fault of emotional maturity of the boys that still are not able to handle and express his emotions of correct form by what produce unsuitable behaviours like rabietas, disobedience or even insults to his brother or parents.
The boys have to learn to pipe and ventilate his emotions so that this type of behaviours no autorrefuercen in loop. That is to say, if for example the boy protests by jealousies but with this behaviour attains his aim, will keep it in the time. This yes, like adults, have to know identify the correct behaviours of the unsuitable by what also is advisable that the parents improve his emotional skills.
>> Article related: Technicians to control the jealousies.
Causes of the childish jealousies.
These are some of the general causes that can cause childish jealousies:
- Privileges. The jealous boy detects that it splits of his privileges have to be shared now. To anybody likes him leave to be the only centre of attention. The new brother sees like a rival that struggles by these privileges.
- Evolutionary moment. They produce more situations of jealousies when the ages of the boys are smaller and find still in the phase of apego emotional, that involves a greater demand of affection still. Besides, what less difference of age exist between greater brothers will be this adaptative rivalry.
- Preference different sex. In occasions arrives to the family the wished boy or girl of the sex wished and the previous although it was of unaware way raisin to a flat second.
- Affective dependency to one of the cónyugues. Yes, no only the brothers feel jealousies of the new member of the family, in occasions are the adults the jealous when seeing diminished his attention by part of his couple.
- Nivel Of emotional intelligence (sensitivity). Each boy and each adult has a level of different emotional intelligence by what will be abler or less than handling these situations. It exists some genetic predisposition but the emotional education received will earn big importance for lidiar with the childish jealousies.
>> Article related: Components of the emotional intelligence.
Childish jealousies: types of behaviours.
According to Hidalgo (2010) the most usual behaviours in the celopatía childish are fundamentally of four types: changes comportamentales, behaviours regresivas, somatizaciones and rivalry.
- Changes in the behaviour: disobedience, negativismo, oposicionismo, crying, rabietas, questions on if they want it, etc.
- Behaviours regresivas: urinate in bed, suck the finger or go back to ask the pacifier, childish language, etc.
- Somatizaciones: Stomach ache, headache, tiredness, sleeplessness, fault of appetite, etc.
- Open rivalry: verbalizaciones of envy and resentment to the another brother or even aggressiveness and rejection. Challenging behaviours to the brother and progenitors.
I think that it would be convenient to include a fifth section that do reference to changes in the emotional state: frustration, sadness, irritability and brusque changes in the state of spirit. As a result of the jealous behaviours produce in the majority of the cases “compensatory thoughts” in shape of feelings of fault since they finish for being conscious of the situation and deep down the family wants of unconditional way (usually) by what generates this remorse by the little appropriate behaviours.
Childish jealousies: 10 strategies of prevention.
Each case has to be analysed specifically but in general terms these would be some general guidelines to warn situations celotípicas in boys:
- Analyse the beliefs of the parents and the familiar climate. Do autoconciencia and know if the parents have the correct beliefs on this type of fears and the style of emotional education that has in this regard. The boys are sponges to learn and will copy the attitudes of his parents.
- Share responsibilities and cooperate. That all the members of the family, included the boys, make of form cooperated to make tasks of the home. For example, the elder can help to prepare the bath of the small when it touch the shower. And the small can help to the May to collect his room (as it can). Elogiar When a brother helps to another (in works of the recently born).
- Active participation. Promote the talks between the family or the collective games, doing partícipe to all they of his own experiences (explain as it has gone the school, the work, etc.). It is very important that all the boys experience the success sometime, that is to say, that seat valued his actions.
- Teach general education. Yes, to ask pardon, to ask the things please, to give the graces, etc.
- Establish limits. The adults are those that protect and stimulate to the boys but always demanding some clear limits that the boys understand and are connoisseurs of them. In the family all contribute his grain of sand but under some norms of the home established democratically.
- Avoid the cries and disqualifications and more still in front of other members of the family. The corrections privately, the praises and positive assessments in public.
- Avoid the comparisons between boys. So much own as of third people. The only that will attain will be to increase the rivalry and therefore the jealousies.
- Educate in emotional control. Teach to the boys to identify the emotions and learn to bear small frustrations, gladden of the successes of the another and to accept to one same with his weaknesses and fortresses. Learn to resolve problems. Stimulate them so that they ventilate his emotions properly and express of form asertiva.
- Respect the space of game. If one of the boys is playing or making a personal activity does not do lacking to be on of them or propiciar that one of the brothers entrometa if it is not a collective game in that it need the participation.
- Avoid the attentions and excessive dedications neither the privileges of a boy in front of the another.
These are alone some general ideas and councils to control the childish jealousies, what other strategies would use?
Hidalgo, E. (2010). Los celos infantiles. Revista Digital Enfoques Educativos, 55, 168-177.
Pereda-López (2016). Intervención cognitivo-conductual en un caso de celos infantiles. Revista de Psicología Clínica con Niños y Adolescentes 3, 1, 53-58.