Sexuality Social

Triangular theory of the love: the secrets to be a happy couple

teoria amor ser feliz pareja

The meaning of the relations of couple has gone evolving along the years chord also to the own human evolution. Until it does relatively little the relations of couple formed  as if of a social agreement treated  where there were some commitments purchased that in occasions went further of the simple personal attraction, sexual and intimate between two people. It treated  of a way of subsistence where the love seemed to finish, but the couple had to continue as if of clauses irrompibles treated . With the step of the years and the peak of the divorces has showed  that this did not have why be always like this.

Triangular theory of the love: the 7 types of love

What himself is true is that the romantic love is not the only that sustains to a couple since they exist diverse types of love and a couple have to have also a love of type mate that the one during his together way to build a life in love and company, never better said. The American psychologist Robert Stenberg reflected it of way very graphic in his famous triangular theory of the love. This theory on the relations of couple establishes that the true love and consummated, that love that more seems  to the love of the films comes established by three components of a marked triangle by different types of love that go  completing between them. These components are the passion, the privacy and the commitment.

  1. Passion. This component relates all that that has to see with the wish by the another person, already was a romantic wish or the psychological excitation that supposes to think in the another person or a sexual wish and of attraction that, because no, carry you to go in in a sexshop on-line thinking in the enjoy mutual to sexual level.
  2. Privacy. This part of the love does reference to the connection between the people, to the affective bond and the wish to share experiences, time, vicinity and adventures with the another person. It is the affection that has  and which does that a relation was fruitful since congeniar is one of the most difficult appearances to achieve in any relation.
  3. Commitment. As in any type of relation, has to exist true win to keep this love of the type that was. It is the motivation that exists for being with the another person anytime of the life already was well or bad.


They exist 7 types of different love

It is very difficult to arrive to an ideal but at least is a reference know that it has to have  a bit of all these components to achieve have a positive relation, pleasant and optimum. The combination of these three components gave place to 7 types of different loves, between which each couple can find more or less identified for know, likewise, which components needs to reinforce to improve his relation. These are the types of love described according to the triangular theory of Stenberg that also represent  in the figure 1:

  1. Affection. It is the one who characterises the value of the friendship and the emotional bond and cercania by a person but without commitment or physical passion on a long-term basis
  2.  Encaprichamiento. It does not exist privacy neither commitment, is the commonly called flechazo.
  3. Empty love. It does not exist neither privacy neither passion and the bond is only the commitment created by this social agreement between the parts, as we spoke in the first paragraph.
  4. Romantic love. To the equal that in the affection, in this case exists a big emotional bond but to the that joins him  the passion and can build relations usually short. By this said that the romantic love is not sufficient for a stable relation.
  5. Love of mate. In this case, they are marriages or couples in which it does not exist the passion but yes conserve the mutual affection and the commitment by what follow sharing his lives in a lot of cases of satisfactory way in spite of to the fault of sexual wish. The marriages that finds  in this situation are those that could resort to some type of incentive of the sexual wish as they can be make gifts eróticos to his couple that can help to wake up this mutual sexual attraction.
  6. Love fatuo. In this case the commitment is only derived of the passion by what does not exist a stability that the one by the bows of privacy.
  7. Love consummated. Perhaps east was the nearest love to the idealised but that really in few occasions attains . It is a love that has by the same all the components and that it is very complicated to keep.

The love is many times only understood like the part of physical attraction or motivation sexuto the, but as we see has other a lot of components that does it true and durable and that no necessarily will have the same percentage of components in all the cases, without well would have to  tend to arrive to this love consummated that perhaps it was the one who achieve a better autorrealización of the couple although it is not always the necessary love.

The true secret to be a happy couple

In relation to this, a study made in the year 2013 by the Open  University of United Kingdom to more than 4.000 participants concluded that the the most common replies to the elements that said couples described like which more liked them in his relation was by order to the following elements:

  1. Laugh together.
  2. Share values and interests.
  3. Be the best friends.
  4. Feel taken care and supported.
  5. Feel safe the one with the another.
  6. Feel happy in general.
  7. The confidence.
  8. Share a near relation.
  9. Can speak and be listened.
  10. Feel loved and love.

The sex did not occupy the first places in the list of importance, although it is a half of enjoy common that helps to strengthen the bond is not the only that achieves it and has to be reinforced by another type of elements more important even. Therefore, the secret to be a happy couple bases  in those people that are able to keep in his relation these other conditionings:

  1. Have positive gestures and behaviours appreciated, recognise the time and the effort. In brief, know say “thank you”.
  2. Have a good communication, to relieve the daily stress and serve of support in the resolution of problems already are personal as of another type.
  3. The generosity. A gift no this is alone material, serve a coffee or do something by the another person serves like gift no material that values  very positively in the realciones as well as the expontaneidad and the surprises.
  4. Share the life, for example  the tasks of the home or other daily things.
  5. Say “want you”. It is a form of gift, of expression of what feels  and reaffirm it as long as it was sense and do not say  of platitudinous form.
  6. Compatir Values, fans, tastes and interests is important part of this reinforcement like couple.
  7. The humour. In definite, are with people that do us feel well and that even have a good time with them. In psychology is a form of reforzamiento basic. If something does me feel well will follow being with her.

In definite, although each relation is different and all have his peculiarities is important to stand out that they exist a lot of components that form a couple and each has more weight in ones and others, but definitely the most important is to be with another person no by need but because it prefers  to the other by all these elements that contributes us and that explain during the article. The key is to enjoy the one of the another.

Iván Pico

Director y creador de Psicólogo Colegiado G-5480 entre otras cosas. Diplomado en Ciencias Empresariales y Máster en Orientación Profesional. Máster en Psicología del Trabajo y Organizaciones. Posgrado en Psicología del Deporte entre otras cosas. Visita la sección "Sobre mí" para saber más. ¿Quieres una consulta personalizada? ¡Escríbeme!

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