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Understanding how teenagers communicate today is no easy task, but it’s not impossible either. As a psychologist who works with them daily, I see how they create their own codes, use emoticons almost like a language, and construct a digital identity that often escapes the adult gaze. It’s not that they live in another world; rather, they are forming their own, and that is part of their own development. We shouldn’t worry too much about this fact in itself, but we should be aware that what used to remain a mere comment among neighborhood friends can now transcend borders, for both good and bad. How do they relate to each other, how do social media influence their way of expressing themselves, and why is it so important for us as adults to learn to listen without prejudice?
After an interview I recently conducted in the newspaper La Voz de Galicia, I am going to take advantage of the reflections I made for said report and explain a little about this whole phenomenon that has made the series ‘ Adolescence ‘ so fashionable, of which I have already made a review that you can see here .
Is there an emoticon-based language for teenagers that only they understand?
It would be strange if it didn’t exist.
The creation of communication codes and slang that evolve and adapt to the times is part of popular culture. I think everyone in their teens has created some kind of pattern for communicating with their friends without anyone else knowing, through encrypted messages or gestemas . Before, they were exposed in closed circles that usually didn’t go beyond school or the neighborhood. Notes, messages on walls, or symbols with specific meanings that didn’t go beyond those circles or were much more difficult to spread to other areas. Furthermore, when they did, there was already prior learning and prevention barriers, as it wasn’t so immediate. Now, what’s happening is that everything is much more globalized, and a comment spreads exponentially through social media practically instantly, which makes prevention difficult. What was once a language within a subgroup or small group now quickly spreads to others, who in turn will spread to others, and it will end up having a meaning that is likely distorted from the initial objective of the message. Furthermore, this speed at which new messages are created is so rapid that it makes intergenerational interpretation difficult, because what used to take time to develop is now constantly changing, making it harder for adults to manage and learn before the message is distorted for other, less ethical purposes.
In our digital society, emoticons are designed to help people communicate more effectively and express their emotional states. This is the goal of emoticons, which, in theory, facilitate and improve the deficit of communicating solely through text. As I mentioned, it’s true that these messages can have bullying, ideological, or other purposes, but obsessing over them and worrying about them isn’t the solution. The solution is to educate adolescents with critical thinking skills ; for me, this is the cornerstone of all this. Otherwise, kids will be increasingly more easily influenced and manipulated, which is what many social networks aim to achieve.
| Related article: ‘ When the Network Is Not Social ‘
Adolescence and communication: are they really living a “double life”?
It’s not that it’s a double life. It’s that it’s their life. They’re learning to be independent, and in that process, various options and decisions emerge that they adopt based on the ideas they see through platforms, the media, peers, families, etc. They’re building their own personalities , and it’s normal for them to feel more comfortable among their peers. That’s why it’s the typical remark a teenager makes to their parents: “You just don’t understand.” Between the ages of 11 and 15, approximately, the brains of children or future adults begin to develop the capacity for abstract thought, which is when they are able to take different perspectives, reflect on the future, and begin to question society’s norms and values. Ultimately, this is very good; they’re learning to manage that more reflective critical thinking that will lead them to become adults capable of making decisions. However, they are in “rehearsal mode,” which is why they make various mistakes in their decisions, points of view that often clash or confront the more reflective thinking of adults. For this reason, they take refuge in their peers: other adolescents. We must remember that personality doesn’t fully develop until approximately age 25, so adolescence is part of that “testing period.”
Among their peers, they create an identity alienated from their reference group (as was previously the case with punks, emos, rockers, rappers, etc., to name a few examples). In this environment, they are able to express themselves better and more freely. They experiment with different roles and thus shape their personalities.
However, when they’re with adults, it’s the opposite: they adapt to the family, restricting options or emotions to avoid family conflict. In other words, they generally show a different, more controlled side of themselves. That’s why, when families say, ” This or that doesn’t happen to my child ,” we have to be cautious and know that the family context has nothing to do with the context they experience in their group, at school, or college. Even if it seems like nothing’s happening, it can happen. Furthermore, these groups now expand through social media, where control is lost, because it could be very easy for the adolescent to have one profile for family and another for friends, transferring what they were trying to explain to their digital identity or identities.
Social media and adolescence: How have they transformed the way we communicate?
First of all, I must say that, from my point of view, these types of platforms aren’t truly social. They’re networks, yes, communication networks, yes, but being social implies something else. It involves more direct interaction, which is almost entirely lost behind a screen. Emoticons, as we said, try to fill this gap, but they don’t quite succeed. Therefore, we take refuge behind a screen, and communication becomes, to a degree, anonymous, a safe place where we can express ourselves without the usual social barriers. On the internet, it’s very easy to criticize, talk, and say things. But would you say those same things to those same people if you were standing right in front of them? Probably not. That’s why the best social network is the real one: their class, their school, their family, their activities. And be careful, on those networks, there will also be conflicts and problems, but they are eventually resolved. On the internet, that hatred can be misinterpreted, magnified, and reach even more uncontrollable limits when it spills over into real life.
Communication is becoming much more direct and instantaneous; this isn’t social either. They’re getting used to having to respond to every message immediately, and if that doesn’t happen, they start to ramble about the reasons for the poor communication, which generates new conflicts. In real life, the double check on WhatsApp would work differently; natural barriers to communication and its interpretation are created, which either don’t happen online or happen to an extreme extent because it’s very easy to block someone as an emotional avoidance strategy without having to confront the conflict, which limits the development of coping skills. Communication exists when a message is sent and feedback is received and interpreted. Online, if that doesn’t arrive or arrives in a distorted way, with noise or inaccurate information, frustration arises—a frustration that’s harder to control because you don’t have a way to do it. WhatsApp, as a strategy to capture your attention, tells you the message has been read, but… has it? This ends up being another source of the creation of adults with a low tolerance for frustration. Added to the fact that social media apps (Instagram, TikTok, etc.) operate under intermittent reinforcement (just like slot machines), this is a combination that doesn’t favor the development of the prefrontal cortex itself, which is responsible for rational processing. Several current studies corroborate that cognitive impairment exists due to the abusive use of these types of communication apps. I was still reading these days that you can now even watch videos at a fast pace, which also doesn’t favor reflection.
Why is it so difficult to understand teenage language these days?
Our parents didn’t understand us either. It’s part of the evolution of language and youth slang; the only thing that changes is the medium through which it’s transmitted and the speed at which it’s done. The rest is very similar. Whether they understand it or not depends on the adult themselves. By asking, people understand each other. From my perspective, the question is the most important thing. When I work with teenagers, to strengthen the bond with their families, what I do is ask them if they ask their families about their day or how they’re doing, so they learn to share their emotional states, to learn to empathize. If the adult shares with the child, the child will share with the adult, but what often happens is that we adults isolate ourselves from their world. We should ask them about those emojis and those messages, show interest in their world without judging them and validating their emotions. Then they’ll share more or less, but they’ll feel heard. You only have to go to a coffee shop to see it: adults talking while the child is being educated by YouTube… shouldn’t that be part of the conversation? How do we expect them to tell us about their things, their problems, their achievements, if we don’t share our own? I’m a huge defender of teenagers. It seems like the blame always lies with them, but we need to look at our own navels. They aren’t inventing anything; they do and learn from what they see in their immediate world. And when that doesn’t exist, they’ll look for those examples on the internet in their refuge groups. Sometimes they’ll be right, and other times not so much. Let’s take care of them and the world we’re leaving them, because today’s youth will be tomorrow’s adults, and as the typical spanish ’90s slogan goes: they are young, but more than prepared (JASP – Joven Aunque Sobradamente Preparado -), but we need to take care of them and continue cultivating their critical thinking instead of deteriorating it.
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