A person is considered assertive when he is able to affirm or deny positively, safely, simply and forcefully but respecting the ideas and rights of others, without actually offending them. Basically it is summarized in these 6 assertive capacities:
I’m capable of…
- I can say “no”.
- I am able to ask for a favor or request.
- I am able to express both positive and negative feelings appropriately.
- I am able to communicate properly.
- I can express an opinion.
- I am able to maintain the rights of my own.
Why is it good to be assertive?
- Assertive people feel more free to manifest themselves, by words, deeds or deeds. “This is me, this is what I think, I want and I feel”.
- They are able to communicate with people of any type or level (friends, strangers, senior leaders, family members, professionals, etc.). The communication will always be open, direct, sincere and adequate.
- People with an assertive style have an active orientation in life, they know what they want and try to make what they want to happen.
- They act in a respectable way. They accept their limitations and understand that they do not always have to win, but they are aware that their behavior is lawful and their way of acting is protected by good reasons.
The 19 Basic Assertive Rights.
- Right to respect and dignity.
- Right to have feelings, opinions and to be able to express them without violating the dignity of others (right to be sad, tired, angry, etc.)
- Right to decide if we behave according to the expectations and desires of others or according to our interests, provided we do not violate those of others.
- Right to ask, knowing that the other has the right to say no.
- Right to reject requests without feeling guilty.
- Right to set our own priorities and make our own decisions.
- Right to change your mind.
- Right to decide what I want to do, our priorities, our body and our time.
- Right to make mistakes, being responsible for our mistakes.
- Right to stand and think before acting or before making a decision. That is, the right not to have to respond immediately (or never).
- Right to ask for information or to ask when something is not understood.
- Right to enjoy their own achievements and recognize them, to be proud of oneself.
- The right to feel comfortable with oneself, regardless of whether the results or achievements have been better or worse.
- Right to get what you pay for (for example, if you put a coffee that is not good right to be refunded by another).
- Right to choose not to behave assertively, if that’s what you want.
- Right to be alone when you want.
- Right not to have to justify yourself to others.
- Right to do anything, as long as the rights of other people are not violated.
- Right and obligation to feel happy, or to be happy.
Assertiveness is an ability of emotional intelligence that can be worked and developed, if you want to change the way you deal with things you can do it. Do not be afraid to support you in professional help for it.