Emotional Intelligence

6 techniques to learn to be assertive

como ser asertivo

Techniques to learn to be assertive can help communicate what is thought and felt, in an appropriate way.

Assertiveness is a skill that allows us to express ourselves clearly and defend our point of view, respecting what others believe.

There are those who have difficulty asserting their right to express themselves, such as shy people, who prefer to remain silent; people who put the interests of others first; those who fear being rejected or those who are afraid of what they will say.

Likewise, there are those who have a very poor assertiveness and behave aggressively, defending their rights, but violating that of others. That is why it is so important to maintain a balance.

In this sense, some techniques to learn to be assertive are useful for good communication.

Techniques to learn to be assertive

Some techniques to learn to be assertive that we can put into practice are the following:

  • Broken record technique : consists of expressing a point of view repeatedly, without changing it. This technique helps to have control over what is said, without allowing the listener to alter the content or divert from the main topic.
  • Assertive postponement technique : when a person is angry, they can postpone the exposition or discussion of their point of view for another moment in which they feel more calm and can respond better.
  • Fog bank technique: it is about accepting a part of the argument of the other, that is, they are given reason at some point, but they express that they think differently and they proceed to present the ideas in a calm way.
  • Splitting the topics: consists of focusing on the point being discussed, without allowing a deviation from the central topic to occur. It is said: “What does it have to do… with…? Thus, the interlocutor will have to focus on the main issue.
  • Relativize, or negative assertion: it consists of downplaying the problem on which it is discussed so that it loses weight. For example, when asking: is what happened really serious enough to be arguing?
  • The assertive question: when receiving criticism, the person is asked what they are referring to, for example: what do you mean when you say that I am not responsible? The answer allows a correction to be made -if necessary-, or to expose the truth about the matter.
  • disclosure technique : it is about revealing aspects of the personality, both positive and negative, to make it known that you are aware of it and that there is no possibility of being manipulated.

| Related article: The 19 basic assertive rights

Tips to improve assertiveness

In addition to these techniques to learn to be assertive, there are other tips that can also help, such as:

  • Set small goals : starting by making your opinion known to the closest circle, such as family, partner or friends, until you feel more comfortable and reach the point of expressing yourself in front of others.
  • Learn to say ‘no’ : without feeling bad, without guilt and without judging yourself. Saying ‘no’ as an answer does not imply that you are a bad person, but that it is necessary to establish limits to safeguard yourself.
  • Change your thoughts: instead of thinking: “I am a bad person because I told you that I could not accompany you”, change it to: “Today I am very busy and it is impossible to abandon my occupations”:

Being assertive allows us to have good relationships with others, as well as helps us feel better about ourselves, strengthen our self-esteem and feel confident in our daily interactions.

It is a very useful capacity not only on a personal level, but also in the workplace, a scenario in which it is often necessary to demarcate personal space to avoid abuse.

 

isbeliafarias@gmail.com'

Isbelia Farías

Isbelia Farías, filósofa, formada en Logoterapia

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