couple Sexuality

Demisexuality, the most emotional sexual orientation


They exist crowd of sexual orientations but the most tied to the emotional part is the demisexuality. The people demisexuales are unable to feel sexual attraction without existing a strong emotional bond with the another person. This no sucede of conscious way, premeditada or by the own personal values but it is something that the person is not able to control and does not come elected, by what the demisexuality is considered a type of sexual orientation more.

The demisexuality, a sexual orientation

The people demisexuales seldom feel this physical or sexual interest sudden with somebody that hardly knows in comparison with the general population, by what in a lot of cases does to feel to this person like desubicada inside his surroundings. For a person demisexual the physical appearance is not sufficient but it gives him a lot of more importance to the connection created with the another person. It is not that they do not have sexual interest, but his form to develop them needs of other variables of emotional type by what this attraction or sexual wish is not what carried to establish the relation, but it will be consistent of this. That is to say, the emotional bond is prerrequisito for the sexual bond.

Demisexuality, when the sex depends on the emotions

It is necessary to take into account that it is not the same to feel sexually attracted that the sexual behaviour, the first does not choose  and the second himself, was cual was the type of sexual orientation that have . This is what differentiates to a person demisexual of a person that does not have sex by another type of ideals, prejudices or cultural values or even by fault of confidence, fear to the rejection or some another sexual disorder of the wish inhibited. The demisexual does not feel the attraction at first, does not arise him this biological need until it does not achieve the strong emotional bond with the another person. In psychology, this could be explained by the effect of mere exhibition by means of which ours attraction by something increases to measure that results us more familiar or near.

This does not want to say that the demisexuales are asexual, although it seem it by the time that can manage without feel the sexual attraction or this need with another person. His sexual couples see  very reduced along his life because of this emotional requirement to be able to enjoy of the sex of full form. This yes, when they attain to connect with somebody the sex will not be a problem. In fact, the sexual relations with a person demisexual can be very satisfactory,  even more than the ones of the rest, by the simple done that this previous emotional load does to think of way more empathic with the person that practises it and this connection attains that the sex was for both very complementary people and plenary. The case is that to a demisexual costs him more find this person by what wake up his sexual wish to full performance.

What likes him to a demisexual?

The people demisexuales no only relate  between them, neither much less. In the couple, only one of the two parts can that it was demisexual and the another no and work fully equal. Independently of the complementary sexual orientation. Complementary in the sense that a demi  can be that it was heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual since the emotional bond will be always what mark this final attraction, although they are used to to have already a clear-cut orientation and look for the emotional bond with people that have a determinate sexual orientation. That is to say, it can be that a demisexual  was of heterosexual orientation, homosexual or the one who correspond, as long as it exist the strong personal relation with the another person. Besides, the sexual orientation is a spectrum in which a person can be more affine a side of the spectrum that to the another, the same raisin in the demisexuality. The emotional load that need ones and others to achieve the attraction can be more or less strong, but always necessary.

When we speak of emotional bond with another person is what commonly calls  congeniar. The demisexual has to feel comfortable with the another person in the rest of fields of the life to give step to the sex. It has to like him the personality of the another person, share moments and experiences and feel sure of himself same with that another person until attaining this attraction, that sometimes arrives with more or less demora and in occasions can become garbled.

Society sexualizada or how incomodar or to a demisexual

These people are used to to feel displaced inside some conversations of common sexual court for others, as it can be a group of friends that speak on the girl that finish to happen of confident way, his last tie or similar situations since, although if they are able to identify those physical or sexual shots that more like them in another person, and can think on them, afterwards do not feel this physical sexual need with another person of form so fast. And I say with another person, because in solitary himself are able to arouse  by means of the masturbation, like the rest of people. We live in a society very sexualizada and for the people of this orientation can feel  uncomfortable in determinate situations.

The frustration that feels is sometimes derived of not knowing reason to them does not matter them so much the sexual absenteeism, in fact does not interfere them in his lives until it arrives the suitable moment. It is by this that the person that feel  frustrated by not knowing if what happens them is normal feel a big personal release when knowing that it treats  of a sexual orientation so valid like the other and that exist more people with his way to live the sexual wish.

When the sexual attraction arrives late

Therefore, the people demisexual need to strengthen a relation with another person to arrive to the sex, have a strong friendship or create an emotional bow by the fact that was that it allow them give this step. It is by this, that his sexual relations are used to to be very distanciadas in the time because although they know to other people, this fault of initial interest by the sexual part if the another person does not understand it or respects, since  it does not have because be also demisexual, can do that the relation cool . By this, can be that the demisexual wake up his sexual interest by the another person already too late, when the another splits interested no longer is it and have left  when considering that it was not sexually compatible. A demisexual  will take in giving this first kiss, in occasions long, and in occasions no longer will know if it has to do it or no by the time and the type of relation that has forged  and now prefers to keep by another type of fears. This fault of sexual patience and this personal confusion can spoil what could be a beautiful loving relation with a person demisexual.

For the people demisexual, andl sexual interest arises in some cases after knowing during long or even years to a person and even be the best friends that congenian of exceptional way or achieve this of form faster thanks to living a different together experience, but with a high emotional load, as it can be a trip or similar. The love is the love was as it was, enjoy as it enjoy  and arrive when it arrive if it has to arrive.




Demisexuality Resource Center.


Iván Pico

Director y creador de Psicólogo Colegiado G-5480 entre otras cosas. Diplomado en Ciencias Empresariales y Máster en Orientación Profesional. Máster en Psicología del Trabajo y Organizaciones. Posgrado en Psicología del Deporte entre otras cosas. Visita la sección "Sobre mí" para saber más. ¿Quieres una consulta personalizada? ¡Escríbeme!

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