Education Emotional Intelligence

Non-violent communication and asertive communication

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Nonviolent communication is that we do through a communication system which is intended to relate in a more empathetic way and with greater compassion with oneself and with others. With this communication system we accomplish is to maintain and improve interpersonal relations, both the most intimate and the most banal, and solve more effectively conflicts in a more honest way and to benefit positively to the needs of all participants interaction.

The model of non-violent communication was created by Marshall Rosenberg in 1984. In this system to maintain positive relationships with others is important to focus communication on the thoughts, needs and demands of people, and avoiding prejudging the participant evaluative languages. Avoiding all do from guilt, fear, provocation or threats. in a more compassionate way.

Elements of non-violent communication

Observe. If we are not relatively attentive to what happens we may enter into evaluations or prejudices out what actually happens to take us to express ourselves wrongly.
Analysis of feelings. After observing one must distinguish feelings and thoughts. How you feel? For example: offended, happy, disgusted …
Exposing needs after identifying feelings always knowing human values ​​involved.
Make a very specific request. If you want something you ask, bluntly, clearly and concretely but expressing it in the form of order is not a requirement. The other person has to be motivated to respond.
Example: Mother to her son: “I hate to see the dirty clothes lying around your room (observation), I like that the rooms are kept tidy (analysis of feelings and needs), do please pick up the room and put dirty clothes in the laundry bucket (specific request). ” If the request has produced positive behavior must be strengthened positively.

This model is sometimes criticized for not being realistic or adaptive to modern society because you seem more susceptible or vulnerable to possible attacks by third parties, but this has been proven in companies and tremendously violent environments such as prisons and has proven to be effective.

Nonviolent Communication Guidelines
  • Avoid static language (good / bad, normal / abnormal, right / wrong).
  • Using a dynamic language that could give rise to change the starting situation.
  • No comparison.
  • Avoid words that dictate sentence: “must”, “should” or “must” or others to sentence and exaggerate like “never,” “as always”, “sometimes”, “whenever”, “often” “usually”, “often” or “rarely”.
  • Avoid making prejudices, like saying that is dishonest, lazy, arrogant, etc.
  • Being kind in the speech, firm and clear.

Assertive communication

Psychology compares the model (or empathic) Rosenberg Nonviolent Communication with assertive communication. The characteristics of communicating assertively are as follows:

  • General behavior: the subject acts with naturalness and spontaneity, listening to them carefully.
  • Verbal behavior: the assertive person speaks objectively expresses just what you want from the position of his “I” speaks when he has to say something and speaks well of himself if necessary.
  • Voice steady, relaxed and well modulated.
  • Look: there is eye contact frank look and expressive eyes.
  • Posture: relaxed and calm.
  • Hands relaxed movements.

An assertive person is defending his right to express themselves freely without harming others. Assertiveness allows people fend off criticism or excessive demands of others. Keep in mind that what is being assertive is not intended to achieve everything you want at all costs, or control or manipulate others. The purpose is only eser oneself, improving self-esteem and interpersonal communication.

Areas of assertiveness

Self-affirmation: defend the rights, make requests and express personal opinions.
Express positive feelings make and receive praise and express appreciation and affection.
Expression of negative feelings: disagreeing or desgrado appropriately.
Accept criticism

Accept mistakes without feeling guilty, although responsible for the act in question is one of the most important characteristics of assertive people. Since criticism is sometimes understood as personal or work-attacks and people can respond in three ways:

  • Reply with another review (aggressive model)
  • Justify, excuse or deny (passive model)
  • Recognize critical if true without feeling bad about it (assertive model)

To accept criticism assertively is necessary to consider these seven guidelines:

  1. Clearly accept criticism, if it is true.
  2. Denying critical if not certain, but without offending the person who performs it.
  3. Recognizing the critical and not generalize the like.
  4. Attacking not react with another review.
  5. Maintaining a proper voice tone, without shouting but not with very weak voice. Normal.
  6. Maintain a relaxed posture. Sometimes we communicate with the body.
  7. Look into the eyes of the person making the criticism.

Everyone wants to receive honest communication and if we also do our part a comforting climate be created for both parties. Try to maintain a non-violent communication in your day to day. Speaking the people understand.

Sobre el autor

Iván Pico

Graduado en Psicología (UNED). Nº Colegiado G-5480. Diplomado en Ciencias Empresariales (USC). Máster en Psicología del Trabajo y las Organizaciones. (INESEM). Máster Universitario Oficial en Orientación Profesional (UNED). Posgrado en Neuromarketing (Universidad Camilo José Cela). Técnico Deportivo Nivel II, fútbol sala (RFEF). Especialista en Psicología Aplicada al Deporte. Etc, etc...
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