Helicopter Parents: How Overprotection Affects Child Development and Resilience in Young People

One of my go-to books is The Coddling of the American Mind (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2018), which I believe perfectly explains what is happening in today’s society and how it is beginning to affect our cognitive development. One of the aspects I find most relevant—and fully agree with—is how childhood overprotection, the lack of unstructured play, and the constant cognitive stimulation demanded by social media and apps are shaping young minds. These generations, contrary to what many may think, do not yet have brains fully developed to handle such rapid changes in such a short time span. In the future, we may adapt as a species to this revolution, but right now it continues to pose a major mental challenge. In this article, we will explore the concept of helicopter parents and its consequences for parenting, child development, and resilience.

The new parenting style in modern society

Parenting evolves with each generation and adapts to social, cultural, and economic shifts. In this context, a term that has gained prominence in parenting debates is helicopter parenting. The phrase describes parents who constantly hover over their children, trying to protect them from every possible risk, failure, or discomfort.

Although it may seem like a gesture of love and care, developmental psychology and recent studies show that helicopter parenting can have negative effects on child development and adolescent mental health. Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt (2018) highlight how this parenting style is linked to three major cognitive distortions—or fallacies—that weaken resilience in children and young adults.

What does helicopter parenting mean?

Helicopter parents are those who practice excessive supervision and control over their children’s lives. They monitor every decision, anticipate difficulties, and intervene in problems that children could solve independently. The helicopter metaphor is intentional: just as the machine hovers above the ground, helicopter parents remain constantly present, ready to step in at any moment.

According to Lukianoff and Haidt (2018), this overprotective parenting approach stems from the belief that children are fragile and vulnerable. Instead of allowing them to experience conflict, failure, and frustration, helicopter parents attempt to remove every possible source of discomfort. However, psychological evidence shows that children, much like the immune system, need gradual exposure to challenges in order to build strong emotional and cognitive skills.

The effects of helicopter parenting on childhood development

Child development happens not only in school but also in everyday life. Free play, peer conflicts, and solving small problems independently are essential opportunities for socio-emotional growth. When helicopter parenting eliminates these scenarios, children miss out on:

• Learning to tolerate frustration.

• Developing independence and self-confidence.

• Practicing conflict resolution without adult intervention.

• Strengthening adaptability to uncertainty.

The result is a childhood marked by safety on the outside, but lacking in the real-life experiences that prepare children to manage emotions and make independent decisions.

Resilience in young people: a weakened skill

Resilience—the ability to adapt, recover, and grow from adversity—is a crucial life skill. No adult escapes loss, failure, or unexpected challenges.

Children raised under helicopter parenting often lack experience with failure and frustration. As a result, when they reach adolescence or young adulthood, they are less prepared to handle the demands of university life, work environments, and social interactions. Lukianoff and Haidt (2018) argue that this contributes to higher levels of anxiety and depression, as normal life challenges are perceived as overwhelming threats.

Moreover, a lack of resilience training creates a dependency on external protection, transferring to schools, universities, and workplaces the expectation that these institutions should shield them like new “helicopter parents.” This helps explain the growing demand for safe spaces and restrictions on uncomfortable speech, as if emotional discomfort were something inherently harmful.

The three fallacies behind helicopter parenting

Lukianoff and Haidt identify three major fallacies of modern thinking that underpin helicopter parenting and its harmful effects on resilience:

1. The Fallacy of Fragility

This fallacy assumes that children are fragile like glass and will break under pressure. In reality, humans are antifragile: like muscles strengthened through exercise, the mind develops by facing challenges. Overprotection deprives children of opportunities to build resilience and strong character.

2. The Fallacy of Emotional Reasoning

This fallacy suggests that feelings define truth—if something feels bad, it must be harmful. Helicopter parenting reinforces this by immediately responding to children’s emotions instead of teaching them to analyze and regulate their feelings. This increases emotional vulnerability, as children learn to interpret discomfort as real danger.

3. The Fallacy of “Us Versus Them”

This fallacy frames the world as divided into allies (those who protect me) and enemies (those who threaten me). By teaching children that the world is full of dangers, helicopter parents encourage a dichotomous worldview. This mindset makes young people more likely to seek protective allies and view others as threats.

Why educating for resilience matters

The phenomenon of helicopter parents shows how good intentions can backfire. By trying to protect too much, parents may inadvertently limit their children’s ability to grow, learn from mistakes, and build resilience.

The challenge for modern families is not to stop caring, but to balance protection with independence. Allowing children to experience manageable failures, resolve their own conflicts, and cope with frustration is an investment in their long-term well-being. As Lukianoff and Haidt (2018) point out, real growth does not come from avoiding pain but from learning how to face it constructively.

Educating without falling into helicopter parenting means trusting children’s capacity to overcome difficulties and guiding them on the path to becoming stronger, more independent, and more resilient adults.

Reference

Lukianoff, G., & Haidt, J. (2018). The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure. Penguin Press.